Sketch #5: New Initiative Sparks Imaginations

My local writing club called for a challenge: to write a ridiculous or absurdist short story or poem to share. This was my response. I tried not to overdo it, but yes. I adore puns. This sketch is all tongue-in-cheek, in case you don’t get that.

MIAMI, FL — The National Weather Association (NWA) has recently announced a new educational event in the hopes of exposing residents of storm-vulnerable areas to the majesty of major storm systems.

The National Stand in a Lightning Storm Initiative is a rolling event with dates meant to correspond to individual areas’ weather patterns.

“It’s exciting to be part of such an electrifying undertaking,” said Tammy Billings, a meteorologist at NWA. “This lesson in storm safety will surely strike a chord across generations.”

NWA scientists are encouraging participants to make this a family event and will even consider personal experiments in their continued study of lightning, provided that research is presented in the correct scientific and observational format.

“We’re still unsure of the likelihood of being struck by lightning while climbing up a flagpole during a major storm,” NWA Director of Social Atmospheric Meteorology Francisco Kempsey revealed. “How many rounds of golf can you play in a tempest before you’re struck? Are you statistically more likely to get hit while you’re swimming? We want the community to get involved in discovering the answers to things like this.”

Communities across the nation have already welcomed this initiative with thunderous applause. But there are those who disagree with it, fearing the ramifications of such activity.

“When Weather Channel correspondents stand outside during storms, they’re often the target of storm-carried debris,” National Geo-Atmospheric Observation spokesman Frank Benjamine said at a press conference in Miami on Tuesday. “That’s the key. It’s clear that storms—particularly hurricanes and tropical storms—feel threatened by having this group of individuals in their fury. How would the storm feel if we suddenly unleashed entire communities into them?”

Kempsey has a different opinion.

“All evidence indicates that hurricanes and other storms don’t have feelings like that,” he said. “The research is a bit cloudy, but their annual return suggests instead that they just want to be embraced by the communities they visit.”

At the time this article went to press, no major storm systems were available for comment.

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